


Of the Heart

by sdupree4403



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-01
Updated: 2018-03-01
Packaged: 2019-03-25 13:52:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13836114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sdupree4403/pseuds/sdupree4403
Summary: Chanyeol has loved outer space for years, but not as much as he loves Baekhyun. They started looking forward to the total solar eclipse years ago, but when they started planning to watch, Chanyeol never would've predicted Baekhyun wouldn't be with him.





	Of the Heart

The air was warm and sticky with early summer humidity as Chanyeol pulled his bright blue convertible off the narrow road and into the cleared field. Parking just a dozen miles outside the ever-growing suburbia of Atlanta, Chanyeol checked the analog clock on the dash. He noted that it was just past eleven o’clock, so he had a plenty of time to relax before the big event. Leaning over the car door to glance into the side mirror, he straightened his pink hair that had been disheveled from driving with the top down. Pleased with his appearance, per usual, he afforded Mirror Chanyeol a quick wink and a click of the tongue before drumming his fingers across the steering wheel. 

Chanyeol shook his head back and forth to clear his head when he was suddenly hit with the familiar pang of nostalgia as he surveyed the surrounding field. He hadn’t been back to this spot—their spot—in almost two years, but not too much had changed. The bus stop that they had used so frequently was still down the road and completely rundown. And as was the case every summer, the expanse of grass was a bright and vibrant green that reached for the length of about two soccer pitches before blending with the darker hue of the distant tree line. Chanyeol shielded his eyes with his hand and glanced up at the sun. It wasn’t quite at its highest point, but it would be soon enough, and according to the news reports, that’s when the magic would start. 

Closing his eyes tightly, Chanyeol leaned back against the headrest and let out an exhausted sigh. He had worked the late night shift at his parents’ noodle store in the city the previous night in order to get this day off. His family, as well as everyone else who knew him, was aware of how excited he was about this event. He had been talking about it nonstop for weeks, but it had been something he had looked forward to for the last five years since the last solar eclipse passed through the Northwest. 

Chanyeol was only eighteen—without his precious car, stuck between adolescence and adulthood, and blissfully happy—when he and Baekhyun had heard reports about it and seen the pictures on the news. Their obsession with all things celestial only heightened. When the news reporter said the next solar eclipse would pass right over their homes in Atlanta, they immediately began planning. 

_Painful_. That’s how reliving those memories still felt. To prevent his mind from traveling any further down that road and to avoid that pain, Chanyeol huffed another sigh and fiddled with the nobs to turn the radio on. Like everyone else in Georgia, the radio DJ was talking about the approaching eclipse. “Just one hour more, ladies and gentlemen, and then the air will chill, flowers will close, and day will turn to the shortest of nights. It’s going to be phenomenal. Make sure you get outside to watch this solar eclipse, folks, but don’t forget to wear eclipse glasses! May 30, 1984. Remember this date. It’s going to go down in Atlanta’s history.” 

Chanyeol smiled to himself in anticipation. As unwelcome as he was to face certain memories, he was tingling with excitement for what he was about to see. Outer space and the sun and the planets and UFOs and the unknown had captivated him for years now. Ever since he was sixteen and Baekhyun’s brother, home from college for a visit, bounded into the basement to interrupt their game of D &D, shouted, “Get up, dorks! I’m taking you to the movies,” and then brought them to the local theater to watch Star Wars: A New Hope, space had been everything to him. He was college educated and a logical adult now, but a small part of Chanyeol held onto the hope that maybe when the moon aligned perfectly in its orbit to block the sun, then Luke Skywalker would fly a fighter pod down from the heavens, land gracefully in this field, and claim he and the Jedis were in desperate need of one pink-haired first-generation Korean American to join them and the force in an attempt to thwart the Dark Side. _And then maybe Baekhyun would come back_ , supplied his mind. 

As the last notes of “Footloose” faded out through the speakers, Chanyeol listened as the radio DJ announced, “And now, a special song in lieu of today’s remarkable event! You’ve all heard it before. It’s been the biggest hit of the past year, and you can’t help but wonder if Bonnie Tyler released it in preparation for today’s solar eclipse. Whatever the case, it fits perfectly! Get your special glasses ready and crank up the volume! Here’s ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart.’ We’ll be playing it on repeat for the next thirty minutes as a countdown. Take it away, Bonnie!” 

Chanyeol smiled dimly to himself as he cranked up the volume. As an appreciator of all things musical, he loved the song. The way Bonnie Tyler belted the lyrics screamed gut-wrenching emotion, and the chord progression and drumbeat were captivating. But as many times as he had listened to this song on repeat over the last few moths, it always left him feeling an innate sadness. 

Lyrics about loneliness and the nervousness faced over the best years of life having passed by already filtered out of Chanyeol’s car speakers and into the humid air, choking him. Two summers ago. Those were the best years. That’s when he was happiest. And then Baekhyun left. 

They came here, to this spot, like they always did when they had nothing else to do put look up at the heavens and wonder about it all together. But that time it was different. Baekhyun had a distinct look in his eyes. The brightness in those eyes that Chanyeol had been drawn to in their youth, had laughed with in adolescence, and had fallen in love with in their university years had dimmed. Chanyeol’s world fell apart when Baekhyun told him he was ending it. 

Baekhyun had said they were getting older. Baekhyun had said they needed to start thinking about the future. Baekhyun had said they needed to start thinking about starting families to make their parents proud. Baekhyun had said his parents had been asking him if he had found a good girl yet. Baekhyun had said they would never understand. Baekhyun had said fighting for what he and Chanyeol had built together just wouldn’t be worth it. 

Chanyeol closed his eyes again to fight back the tears as he strummed his fingers on the steering wheel along with the piano melody. That was almost two years ago, yet the shadow of the love they shared still lingered around him all of the time. “Damn, these lyrics are real,” he thought. Refusing to fall apart, Chanyeol ran his hands across his face and through his hair while he exhaled. “Total solar eclipse. That’s what you’re going to see,” he reminded himself. “That’s why you’re here.” 

Reaching across the center console, he fiddled with the glove compartment to pull out the eclipse glasses he picked up at the library and tried them on for size. Glancing up at the sun resting at its normal midday position, Chanyeol felt a surge of excitement over what he was about to witness. Removing the glasses and setting them on the dashboard, he checked the clock once again. Twenty-four minutes to go. 

Still feeling antsy with anticipation, Chanyeol twisted his body around to reach the snack and the beer he had stored on the floorboard of the back seat. Popping the lid off with the opener on his key chain, he tilted the can back as the DJ began the next playback of “Total Eclipse of the Heart.” Cringing at the temperature of his beer, Chanyeol took another sip of the drink as he hopped into the back and propped himself up on the trunk with his feet on the backseat. Resting the beer on the hot metal, he noticed again the mugginess of the Georgia air. Chanyeol loosened the buttons on his blue floral shirt and leaned back, propped his body up with one hand, and took a bite of his apple. Back to the road, he stared at the dark mass of trees on the distant edge of the clearing as a gentle, welcome breeze fluttered the flaps of his open shirt, tickling the exposed skin of his chest. 

The song climbed to its climax for the third time as Bonnie Tyler belted, “I really need you tonight,” and Chanyeol broke his silence to sing along, mouth full of chewed apple. Between the last notes of the song fading out and the first notes starting again, he heard the one voice that both terrified him and enticed him like nothing else. “Turn around, bright eyes,” he heard. 

Chanyeol whipped around and dropped his half-eaten apple when he saw Baekhyun standing just a few feet away from the back bumper of his car. Baekhyun, who he hadn’t seen in almost two years, was standing there, in front of him. Baekhyun, eyes bright as ever. Baekhyun, his hair had grown longer—especially in the back, and apparently he had dyed it with streaks of red, but he was standing right there. Baekhyun, looking radiant in a tight pair of light washed jeans and a yellow patterned shirt, was standing right there, in _their field_. Baekhyun was there, and his bright eyes were looking right through Chanyeol, searching. 

“Hey, Yeol,” Baekhyun said, bright eyes still boring into Chanyeol’s own. Chanyeol just stared, mouth open in silent question. Baekhyun raised his eyebrows and offered a tightlipped smile. 

Chanyeol snapped out of his initial shock. He hopped off the trunk of the car and stood on the ground facing the man who had loved him and then left him in the dark for two years. His eyebrows furrowed, his tongue quickly darted out to lick his pouted lips, and his eyes searched from side to side for an answer to so many of his questions. “What are you doing here?” he finally stuttered out. 

“It’s eclipse day, yeah?” Baekhyun responded. Chanyeol, face still morphed tightly in an expression of confusion and hurt, only nodded slowly. Baekhyun took a hesitant step forward. “We always said we’d watch it together,” he said softly, biting his lip and widening his bright eyes. 

“No, Baekhyun,” said Chanyeol, unable to meet the other man’s eyes. Shaking his head, he added, “Don’t do this to me.” 

Baekhyun sucked his bottom lip even further into his mouth and swallowed. “Yeol,” he said, pleading. “I’m so sorry.” 

A look of caution and hesitance peered out from Chanyeol’s eyes as he bit his lip to stop it from trembling. “What do you mean?” he asked. 

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” answered Baekhyun. He stepped closer once again and reached for Chanyeol’s hand hanging limply. 

Chanyeol shivered at the feeling of Baekhyun’s thin, cool fingers holding his own. He had long thought that would permanently remain a memory. Staring at the ground and not at the pair of eyes bright enough to blind him, he pulled his hand back. “No, Baekhyun. No,” he said tears welling in his eyes. He wasn’t going to fall apart today. “You left me,” he added. 

Baekhyun drew the hand that Chanyeol had rejected up to clasp at his own elbow. “God, Yeol,” his face twisted in pain. “I’m so sorry. I was so dumb.” He paused as his bright eyes scanned all across Chanyeol’s face, taking in the emotion so vividly displayed on every beautiful feature. “I’m so, so sorry. I was dumb and scared. I’m not making excuses. I hurt you, and I hate myself for that, but I’m sorry.” 

Still unable to look at the face of the man who broke him, Chanyeol remained silent aside from sniffles as his mind cataloged each individual blade of grass beneath their feet. “Alright, folks!” Chanyeol heard the voice of the radio DJ through the car speakers. “Six minutes until this eclipse gets started! That’s just enough time for one more song! So here it is! ‘Total Eclipse of the Heart,’ one last time before the total solar eclipse of 1984! Don’t forget your glasses, folks! Enjoy the show!” 

“Yeol,” Baekhyun whispered, his own sorrow evident in his tone. 

Chanyeol looked up. Tears streamed down his face as his body shuddered with a suppressed sob as he looked into Baekhyun’s bright eyes. “It’s going to start soon,” Chanyeol said. 

Baekhyun nodded. In silence, they looked at each other, both men seeing and sensing the other’s hurt. “Did you get eclipse glasses?” Baekhyun asked. 

“Mmhm,” said Chanyeol. “You?” 

“Yeah,” said Baekhyun, pulling them out of the breast pocket of his shirt. 

Chanyeol nodded in affirmation. Grabbing his glasses from the dash, he opened the back door and grabbed a second beer from the floorboard. Situating himself in the backseat, he handed gestured for Baekhyun to join him. When Baekhyun sat down, bright eyes protected by eclipse glasses, Chanyeol passed him the second beer and covered his own eyes. The last falsetto lines of the song, “Turn around, bright eyes. Turn around,” played into the darkening day. 

Baekhyun looked up and began to speak again. “I thought I’d be okay. I thought I’d be okay without you, but I’m not. I haven’t been. I don’t think I ever will be.” Chanyeol took a swig of his now totally warm beer and stared up at the disappearing sun. 

They sat in silence watching the phenomenon. Over the course of just three minutes, the air chilled, and the sky darkened completely as the moon slowly eclipsed the brightness of the sun. At the point of totality, when the darkness surrounded them, and the sun’s warmth abandoned them, Baekhyun turned to the other man and said, “I need you, Chanyeol. I need you forever.” 

Still looking up and into the stars that were suddenly visible the middle of the day, Chanyeol remained silent. As the edge of the sun began to emerge once again and light began to seep back into his vision, he reached over and laced his fingers with Baekhyun’s. “Forever,” he said quietly. 

The greenery of the field—their field—slowly came back into view as Chanyeol removed his own glasses first and then reached to remove Baekhyun’s. Gently cupping Baekhyun’s face, Chanyeol leaned forward to place a soft kiss on the corner of his lips. “We’ll start forever tonight,” he said. 

Baekhyun pushed Chanyeol back against the seat and climbed onto his lap. Chanyeol’s hands found Baekhyun’s waist and his eyes found the brightness that he had so missed in Baekhyun’s own immediately. Pushing Chanyeol’s open shirt down and wrapping one arm around him to clasp a bare shoulder, Baekhyun cradled Chanyeol’s face and repeated, “Forever,” before closing his eyes and sealing the promise with a kiss. 

**Author's Note:**

> This story has been sitting on my drive since I started it in August. After the solar eclipse passed through the US, and everyone I know from back home was in the path of totality, I listened to "Total Eclipse of the Heart" on repeat, and I got Chanbaek feels from the song. The song's release date was 1983, and there was a total eclipse in 1984 which paired perfectly with the whole Kokobop aesthetic (read: BBH's mullet). Then I saw [this image](https://twitter.com/rinadraws/status/889155419628765186) by @rinadraws on Twitter, and it all came together. Anyway, I started this in August, let it fester, and now I'm procrastinating my BAE2018 fic by finishing and posting it. It's a lot angstier than what I normally write, but such is life.


End file.
